In My Blood Like Holy Wine

 

As a writer, there is no doubt that parts of people I’ve loved, if only momentarily, pours out of me in the lines that come out of my fingers.

The other day, I wrote a line in my most recent work in progress about a woman’s ankles. It was written instinctively, it came out of the character’s mouth as easily as breath, and yet my mind went back to a woman who taught British Literature when I was in college. I no longer remember her name or her face, but I remember her captivating ankles. If I had been gay or a straight man, I’d have attempted a move on her due to her ankles alone. Most of her has vanished from my  memory, but a part of her poured from my soul in the moment I wrote the lines for my character. She touched me. Or her ankles did.

This is a superficial example. I have characters who suddenly spout off a version of my father’s position in our last argument, or my good friend’s confession about her desire for babies, or start to eat pepperoni slices out of a massive bag a la The Pepperoni Lady at my prior job.

If I know you, if I’ve loved you, part of you will pour out of me in these lines from time to time. When and where and what there is no telling or any way to plan, but it will be happen. Because you live in me, some part of you, forever.

Welcome to the Inspiration for My Latest Story

1.

2.

3.

And that’s the potion for the new spell, baby.

5 – Twenty Five Things Tuesday: Follow My Ears With Feet

I’ve seen plenty of Tori Amos concerts. Unfortunately, I’ve lost count, but the number is somewhere in the 20s at this point. But it is not enough!! I read about Ears With Feet (Tori fans) who have been to 100 concerts, or who have saved up a bunch of money, taken a leave of absence from work, and followed her around the world, and instead of having the reaction of a normal human, I think, “Oh, wow, I want to do that. A year of seventy Tori concerts? Are you kidding me? Yesssssss. All the yeses ever to yes!”

The issue? Money, job, responsibilities. If I ever get to do this, I’m sure it will be after my daughter is grown. Maybe she’d even want to come with me. If not, though, I’m pretty sure I could convince my BFF will come along for the ride.

If I were to rate the likelihood of any particular one of these, I’d have to admit this one is pretty low in terms of chances. It’s the sort of thing a person can maybe pull off in their early twenties, but as life creeps in, it becomes more and more difficult to make time for something like this. Perhaps it would make more sense if people understood that Tori Amos concerts are my church. There is literally no other time that I feel so completely connected to the universal, so in touch with my heart and spirit and soul, so uplifted and moved. There’s nothing that even touches it.

Before I die, I’d like to follow my church around the world, experiencing the service in far away lands.

Three Songs of the Month

I’ve been sort of obsessing over three songs the last few weeks. Thought I’d share.

This world. This song.

Learn from us very much, look at us but do not touch.

Was it something I said? I know that it was something I said.

3 – Twenty Five Things Tuesday: Where the Orchids Grow

Sometime before I die, I want to attend a Tori Amos concert with my daughter. It’s been a dream of mine since before I ever had her, and when it became clear that she loves Tori Amos, too, my dream only intensified. One day, we will sit in the audience together. Maybe we’ll hold hands. Maybe she’ll ignore that her mommy cries half of the show. Or maybe she’ll cry too.

Flipping Gender Changes Meaning — Examples

Photo by Michel Dierickx

A question I get a lot is “Why m/m? Why do you write so many books with gay main characters?” I’ve got a lot of reasons behind that, some of them incredibly deep and involved, based in feminism and gay rights and freeing the mind. But let’s leave all that behind for now, and focus on how things change meaning when you change the sex/gender of any particular person within a certain expected dynamic.

I feel like the easiest way to illustrate this is with music, so let’s start there.

Everyone knows Adele’s song “Someone Like You”. What happens to the meaning and to your understanding of the song when a man sings it without changing any lyrics.

Jay Brannan also did a cover of Lana Del Rey’s “Video Games”. When he performed it live, he said, “My favorite thing about this song is knowing that by singing it I make you all picture me in a sundress.” I practically jumped up and down when he said that because it old me that he gets it and isn’t just covering it because he likes it, but that he sees a wider implication in his choices.

Another example might be Tori Amos covering “I’m Not In Love”. As she said in an interview, people grew up in the 1970s and 80s slow-danced to this song, not really listening to the lyrics. She covered it to point out how the meaning of it changes when it’s sung by a woman. What opinions do we have about a woman who sings, “I’m not in love, so don’t forget it. It’s just a silly phase I’m going through, and just because I call you up, don’t get me wrong, don’t think you’ve got it made. I’m not in love, no no, it’s because…I like to see you, but then again, that doesn’t mean you mean that much to me.” How do we feel about her compared to how we might feel about a man singing the same thing.

And then there is the more obvious commentary of “Real Men”.

For me, aside from just wanting to tell good stories with characters that I like, I enjoy the challenging nature of writing away from expectations and exploring how changing the sex, gender, sexuality of characters changes the consequences of certain behaviors within relationships. As I said, this is only the tip of the iceberg, but it’s a nice fat tip. Enjoy it. (Heh. See what I did there? LOL!)

Song of Late Spring and Roses

And a live version.

Go Slow by Haim

I’m obsessing over this band and this song especially. A full-length album would be much appreciated! From what I can tell, their EP is only available on iTunes.

Straddling the Language and the Kiss

I’ve always tried to straddle the choice laid out in this song. It’s my responsibility to always straddle it. And because of that, I doubt I’ll ever be actually very good at either the language or the kiss. I suppose the pain of that stretch is something to love because while it means mediocrity all around, I’ve still got a damn excellent life.

Maybe I should change this tag line from “working hard to become stellar at life” to “working hard to be okay with mediocrity and failure because of all the beauty and love”. Or maybe that is how one becomes stellar at life.

Fanworks Friday: The King of Anything

This vid. Oh, wow. I love it still. So much. Thank you, Amelia, for making it. Soaps are awful evil things that are ridiculous and melodramatic, but I guess I love that somtimes, because, gosh, I loved Luke and Reid. The less I say about the character of Noah, though, the better.

The song can be found HERE.