I generally try not to be too controversial or make statements here that might alienate readers or publishers or other writers. I’m not saying today’s post is going to be wildly contentious, because most of the things I don’t get are purely a matter of “to each his own” and “your mileage may vary”. But this is just a heads up that this post might push a few buttons.


1. Ménage books

There are so many things I don’t get about Ménage books. Let me count them:

a) I don’t get why they are called Ménage instead of Ménage à trois, given that the word ménage means “household”. People are always saying, “I wrote a ménage for my next novel”. I think they really mean they wrote a ménage à trois, because otherwise they’re saying they wrote a household for their next novel. I could almost get this if it was a four or more person arrangement, but almost all so called “Ménage” novels are actually just ménage à trois.

b) I know that poly situations exist in all permutations. Based on research I’ve done into it and the examples I’ve seen, it does appear that the most successful often are the V-shape relationship. Two guys, one girl, where the guys don’t hook up sexually but are good friends and not jealous of each other. Or two girls, one guy, same set up. Or three guys or three girls, but the same deal–two of the people aren’t fucking each other and aren’t jealous of the ones who do fuck.

Obviously, there are successful examples of poly arrangements in this world where this is not the case. So, please don’t feel the need to reply by saying I’m minimizing the options here. I’m not. I recognize that there are many, many ways this kind of thing can play out. I just…don’t get it. Deep down in my monogamous little heart, I’m boggled by even the V-shape arrangement, and have a hard time processing the plethora of stories out there which seem to focus on two guys fighting over a girl until they decide to ‘share’, or continued jealousy, or arrangements where everyone is fucking everyone else. I also kind of don’t get the appeal, but that’s the next one.

c) I just don’t get it. I’ll admit it. I have a tendency to develop an OTP (one true pairing) about characters. I tried reading a poly story once a long time ago written by a pretty well-known author who happens to be a friend of mine, and I was sick with jealousy on behalf of one of the characters, even though that character was not jealous himself. I could not even finish the entire story because it made my heart hurt so deeply to read it. But, obviously, I’m in a minority here because so called ménage books are everywhere these days. When I asked authors to do Writer Wednesdays again with me, about half the books that came back seemed to be Ménage à trois.

So, what is it that appeals to you, ladies (and gentlemen)? I know, I know, it’s as simple as two guys and their accompanying bits seem pretty hot as a fantasy. And, yes, in 99% of books written by women it is two guys and a one woman. And, sure, you know, if I’m reading straight up porn (also known as PWP), I’m totally down with threesomes and moresomes and all the holes being filled at once. But once love and romance is introduced? I guess I’m just way too monogamous to truly understand the appeal.

[BTW, because it needs to be said, I respect everyone’s right to live their life as they see fit and to have any arrangement, with any number of people, so long as it works for them, and so long as everyone is consenting to said arrangement, and adult.]

I know, I know, I just don’t get it. See the title of this post. It seems like I’m massively in the minority in terms of not really enjoying a romance book featuring more than two main lovers.

Basically, I look at this trend as a boon to those in successful and happy poly relationships, or who wish to be. They certainly have a new avalanche of books aimed at issues they might enjoy. I’d be curious how people in actual poly relationships feel about the way the situations are represented in these books.

Anyway, all y’all that love it, please go on loving it! I just don’t get it.

2. Sushi.



It’s cold. It’s spicy. It’s got a strange texture. I don’t get it.

3. Sports that involve balls and points.



I do get how they can be fun, but I don’t get the massive amount of excitement put into them, the devotion, the heart-stopping love for a team and its wins. It isn’t like a character from a tv show or a book. I can’t sink my teeth into the points earned and take my imagination on a day long ride. And I have no control over it! If they win or lose is completely out of my hands. And it’s often loud. And there are a lot of people there. And, yeah, I just don’t get it.

So, this has been my three things I don’t get. I hope you enjoyed my little revelations of odd-ballness.


4 thoughts on “Three Things I Don’t Get

  1. Leta, nice post. What I don’t get about Sushi is how anyone can eat any type other than California Roll or Volcano Roll, and how anyone can mix their wasabi with soy sauce when you can enjoy a whole glob of it right on your California Roll, and why some places don’t give you enough ginger root. About balls and points, I get them when I’m playing them or watching them live. About ménage a trois, I’m sort of with you. I do see the attraction of the sexual idea, or fantasy. I’ve tried to do it, and I’m not made for it. It’s just so darn painful, heartwise. I recently read one by an new author everybody loves, three men. I literally was angry with all three characters, rather than hurt on their behalf. Not sure how that happened. But as you say, to every person their own joy.

    1. I love it! *chin hands* Tell me more about the sushi! 😀

      Yes, you and I seem to have had a similar experience when trying to give the so-called ‘menage’ books a try. I’m even okay with reading situations where there is a primary emotional relationship and a 100% open sexual relationship, which may or may not include having sex with other people together. But if the emotional relationship isn’t committed to just one other person, I start to get jealous on behalf of one of the characters. It’s wild. I don’t even want to feel that way when reading, but I inevitably do.

      I even have a friend/acquaintance who lives in a poly relationship, and I admit to sometimes feeling jealous on behalf of one of her partners. It’s ridiculous! I don’t say anything to her about it, because it’s not my business and her actual partners seem to have zero issues with the set up. But there it is all the same. While I like both of her partners, my heart has chosen one that I start to feel jealous for whenever she’s especially glowing or spends a lot of time with the other.

      I think I’m just built for monogamy. And I truly do get that others aren’t. My friend, for example, and her partners seem very, very, very happy. The guys are really great friends and love each other, too, in their bro’ing around way. So, I’m happy for them and I am always glad that they make it work. They’re great people. I just…yeah, can’t do it. 🙂

    1. I want to like sushi. I feel kind of like I’m missing out on something amazing because I don’t like sushi. That’s probably true of everything in this post. 😛

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