I’m speaking now as a messenger from the other side. I still get angry and sad and pissed off and so forth, but when I think of how, if I’d killed myself, I’d have missed drinking sake with my awesome friends and discovering anime and seeing Ian McKellan as Gandalf and Hugh Jackman as Wolverine and making out with a better class of men than I’d previously dated and having J– teach me reverse roundhouse kicks and selling my first book and flooring it past the ocean with the roof open and “Thunder Road” playing …

If all I got from not killing myself was one hour in Kyoto when the autumn leaves were falling, it would have been so, so worth it. — Rachel Manija Brown


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